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ninjaz
09-19-04, 02:33 PM
George W. Bush The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for drivingunder the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had mydriver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been"lost" and is not available.

MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refusedto take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joiningthe Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland,Texas, in1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.The companywent bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart dealthat took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in theoil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS: I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oilcompanies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the mostsmog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune ofbillions in borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any governor inAmerican history. With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida,andmy father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became Presidentafter losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with acriminal record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing costof over one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S.history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed inany 12-month period. I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in 12-monthperiod. I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the historyof the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost theirjobs and that trend continues every month. I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire,"Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.President. I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving themost corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaigncontributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largestcorporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron. My political party usedEnron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success withthe U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. I have protected myfriends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. Moretime and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than hasbeen spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history andrefused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry wasrevealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to beawarded government contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals toadministration than any President in U.S. history. I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largestbureaucracy in the history of the United States government. I've broken more international treaties than any President inU.S. history. I am the first President in U.S. history to have theUnitedNations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused toallow inspectors access to U.S."prisoners of war" detainees and therebyhave refused to abide by the Geneva Convention. I am the first President in history to refuse United Nationselection inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I set the record for least number of press conferences of anyPresident since the advent of television. I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presidedover the worst security failure in U.S. history. garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World TradeCenter attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hatedcountry in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide tosimultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering therecord for protest against any person in the history of mankind. I am the first President in U.S. history to order anunprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereignnation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.citizens, and the world community. I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support acut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in wartime. In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons forattacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends. I am the first President in history to have a majority ofEuropeans(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace andsecurity. I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical BunkerBuster," a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge tobringOsama Bin Ladento justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES: All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in myfather's library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading andmy bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for publicview. All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy andunavailable for public review.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004. PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.

Rhylynd
09-19-04, 03:34 PM
lmfao, that's awesome! it needs to be edited though ;o)

SpaceDog
09-19-04, 10:30 PM
Awsome, but please fix your keyboard :lol:

ninjaz
09-19-04, 11:37 PM
Sorry, I just copied and pasted it to the forums and didn't take a good look at it before I posted it.

woundjuice
09-20-04, 12:09 PM
ummmmm... yeah.... if you could, you know, use bullet points and margins in these next time that would be great... wonderfull, thanks a bunch ninjas

(blatant reference to the great classic "Office Space" :p )

eatsleepfear
09-20-04, 04:10 PM
Saaaay....did you get the memo about the TPS reports? Yeaaah...see we're putting the new cover letter on ALL the reports now...

Mike

Eddie
09-20-04, 04:14 PM
I actually recieved this resume via e-mail a few wekks ago....but god I love it. Thanks for putting a smile on my face just 3 hours before my first exam of the semester!

ninjaz
09-22-04, 01:21 PM
You know, I really would like to know where the opposition is. Usually when you post some type of anti-bush you get a lot of people who will tear you a new *******. Is it because it speaks the truth? Just wondering...

golden_girl
09-29-04, 02:28 PM
No, its not because its the truth. I see so many things that tear bush down, and kerry down. I just don't consider this one important enough to waste my time over trying to tell you that Bush is a good president.

mmtom
09-29-04, 03:30 PM
If you think Bush is a good president, you need to take off your blinders.

K2
09-29-04, 03:40 PM
You need to quit with your ****ing personal attacks

mmtom
09-29-04, 04:16 PM
Well, logic and sound reason don't seem to work, so I might as well point out the obvious and move on.

K2
09-29-04, 09:11 PM
no, what your doing right now is basically ad hominom. I'm sure our resident expert Zarth can fill you in all about that.

nightngayle
09-30-04, 12:49 AM
K2 I'm so glad that i'm not the only Bush supporter on here! I usually am democrat but I actually agree with most of what Bush has done and am voting for him in the next election. I get so frustrated sometimes at this college because so many people are for Kerry! Thank you for giving me something worth reading!

K2
09-30-04, 09:50 AM
NP :) Welcome to the 'right' side :p